Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize