you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
