literally had 100 drinks last night.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
