Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize