we have officially lost it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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