I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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