I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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