I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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