90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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