Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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