someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
