Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
