I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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