I love black thongs
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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