So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
