So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
