You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
