apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
