It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
