when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
