Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
