belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
