Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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