I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
