One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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