It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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