this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
