you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
