Can Purell be used as lube?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize