ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
