arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
