my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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