it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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