DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
