Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
