My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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