how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
