can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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