just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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