First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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