Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
