lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
