You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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