Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
