i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
