I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize