Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
