I'm jealous of your bromance
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
