they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
