apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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