It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
