my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
