My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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