My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
