I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
