I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
