how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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