remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
