I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's never too late to be topless.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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