Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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