Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
