OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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