I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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