im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize