Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i've created a new STD.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
