I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
