why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
