everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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