He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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