He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
