pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
