the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
