I smell stomach acid.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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