Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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