I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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