1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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