And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
