Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
