I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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