The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she told me i tasted like america
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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