yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
