you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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