he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
