false alarm. still invincible.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
