No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize