it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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