I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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