Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
