Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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