um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
