i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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