He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish my penis had a tongue
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
