I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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