She is in my trunk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
