How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
