I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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