Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
