It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
