i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
