Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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