Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
