Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
