I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
