i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
