you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
