That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My penis needs a shock collar
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were trust falling into bushes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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