I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize