I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
