were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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