are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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