The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize