I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
